J.L.O.T.

I find it strange how some memories can stick with us longer than others, even when they are just little things. I remember watching a sing-along tape at my old house better than I remember my first visit to an amusement park. I remember lines that weren't even mine from a play I was in better than I remember...

I guess it's all about priority...what our minds place more emphasis on in our subconscious. I store up so much information on things such as gossip, historical facts, random things people say, and other small things like that. I don't generally focus on the big-picture things because I think too much emphasis is put on them. I tend to see these events as more of the beginnings of cycles. If I plan on doing it again I don't usually place much mental capacity on remembering the first ones. I do remember things such as my first time...you know...doing it, smoking my first cigarette, my first "last" cigarette, etc., but these things are very important to me and to who I have become over the last few years.

The point of all of this: I went out with an old friend the other night. My first "real" ex to be exact. And once I got in the car with him I could remember so much. It happens every time we are together. I get this kind of memory rush of all the little things we used to do, that he used to do, and that I would do when we were together. We started talking about how things had been going for us, our plans for the future, who we were interested in now...and besides the fact that the conversation subject had changed from when we were dating, it was just like old times. We went to the mall (where the security guard thought he looked ghetto and made him take off his bandana and hood) and then to the movies.

All of the things that used to infuriate me about him...all of the things that I used to love about him...everything was coming back, but not in the same ways they had been all those years ago. Back then these were some of the problems that led to our breakup. This time it was more relaxed. This time we're just friends. But that didn't make the memories any less vibrant. Both the good and the bad...they were all very, very real.