Nothing, Really

I have a lot of things I want to say right now. Yet because of my inability to focus my words or soften the blows that some of them would inevitably bring to others I am going to hold my tongue until later.

I leave for New York tomorrow morning though. It's a brief family vacation over the weekend, but still, I've never been to the city before so it's kind of exciting.

There's not much else to say that's not deliberately mean to others so I'm done.

Recap of the 24th

I took the Praxis II test today. It's my last education test that I'll have to take for my certification and I'm glad that I'm finished with it because it was costing me so much money to take all of the tests. I don't know what my score is yet because I had to take the test on paper, but I feel pretty confident of a passing score and should know by 4 weeks what I got.

I also went out on the sailboat with my family again. We have decided to not go out in the heat of the afternoon anymore because it was well over 100 degrees. We did see some dolphins/porpoises out in the York River/Bay area which was..meh..kind of cool. I can only watch animals do the same thing over and over for a small amount of time before I'm bored with it. Other than that, it was just really hot and with minimal wind blowing it's hard to get anywhere in a sailboat.

Charlottesville will be my home for the next few days. I plan on going home on Wednesday so that I can pack for our New York trip over next weekend. It should be good.

Traffic + Beach

I really don't understand traffic sometimes. It's reasonable to expect traffic because there's been a wreck or construction that's blocking a lane, but I find it difficult to understand why it's there when there's no reason for it to be there.

I drove to VA Beach Thursday afternoon and was stuck in roughly an hour's worth of traffic because 1) idiot drivers would not merge from an ending lane until they absolutely had to, and 2) drivers were apparently scared to enter the Hampton Roads Bridge-Tunnel and would slam on brakes before descending into the tunnel. After we passed through the tunnel traffic flowed absolutely fine.

It was extremely frustrating to be sitting in my car, WITHOUT AC, on a day that was well over 100 degrees with drivers who were simply being inconsiderate of general courtesy on the road towards other drivers.

It's too bad I'm not much of a beach person, or a water person, or a person who looks good with minimal clothing on. All of those things added up make me not participate well with the general society of, well, beach. Other than that unfortunate series of problems I have with myself I had a good time down there. $2 margaritas are definitely a plus for a good night.

Traffic was just as atrocious on the way back, but would have been moreso had I not gotten off 64 at 199 outside of Williamsburg. Traffic had not been flowing well since about 7 miles before the tunnel all the way to Jefferson Avenue in Newport News. After that, the interstate opened up a bit, but by the time I was hitting Williamsburg I could see brakes locking up a little down the road from me once again. I got my car off the interstate and took the back way home, meaning 199 to 60 to 30 to 33-30 to 30 with only minimal traffic once I got to West Point.

In the meantime, my face is slightly sunburnt. And by slightly I mean it's pretty red and I have a white section between my eyes where my sunglasses were siting. Something like this always happens to me when I go to a place with sun.

Fireworks

I'm going to try to go for a lighter post tonight.

My family and I went to Busch Gardens tonight and stayed for the fireworks show. There were a whole lot of explosions and the whole time I could only think "I wonder how much money this costs to put this show on every single night?"

They had big ones, slightly smaller ones, red ones, blue ones, green ones, purple ones, sparkly ones, loud ones, quieter ones, and those silent ones that are really bright.

They also had ones that looked like things. Besides the obvious circle shape, I saw what appeared to be a smiley face, my dad saw a box, and my sister saw a heart. I thought I saw a heart later and asked if it was one. She said no. I did not see a heart.

We had to push through the crowds in order to get out after that, but overall it was not too terribly bad. It's probably the only time I'll go to BG this year so I tried to enjoy it and not think only of the crowds of people or any other issues going on.

Risk

I'm a bit wound up at the moment, having just sent off a lengthy reply to a great friend who is looking out for everybody's best interests. It, once again, has to deal with the money situation left over from the HoL and the seemingly growing mistrust between the various camps that left that POS house. I say the term 'camps' and regret in some ways, but in others I don't. I think this may be because when the "hands-off" landlord would not leave us the fuck alone during the lease-renewal time I eventually went around and asked for a consensus on whether or not we would be living there again. The votes were almost evenly split, but it was the abstentions that threw it in the favor of "NO." With that vote I called the landlord and told him that we would not be renewing the lease.

Soon after that the "YES" voters took the abstaining voters and signed a new lease without telling the "NO" voters about it. Just because we didn't want to live in that house again didn't mean that we didn't want to live anywhere near the others..but the fact that really upset me about them signing the new lease was when I was upstairs and heard two of my roommates talking in the pot-smoking room about a new lease. When I went down to ask where it was, they just closed the door on me and continued talking. It hurt me to think that they would be taking out their anger on not living in that house again on me, but I guess since I was the one who actually said "NO" and called the landlord, I was the only one that could have been blamed.

It was with that act that myself and the two people I am currently living with went out and looked for apartments. The other two people wanted an apartment at the opposite end of Grounds, and, being without other friends who wanted me to live with them, I decided to just go along with it. I have to say that I do like the location and I love my apartment, but it's the separation that bothers me.

And with the recent squabbling over the remainder of the security deposit money and the blatant theft that the person who closed the door on me committed, old wounds are being reopened. I have to choose my words carefully. I have to not disturb the peace more than I have done in the last year. I have to allow myself to take a back seat for the time being, no matter how much I may occasionally want to be the one who finally solves this once and for all.

My words are harsh and must be tamed before I speak. If I wasn't constantly on patrol for what I say then I would probably have few to no friends. Writing gives me an opportunity to filter what comes out of my mind. It's difficult, however, to write somebody a note when you are face to face with them, rather than just saying it. This is why I refrain from arguing with people in person for the most part. This is why I will quietly sit back when people say things I disagree with, regardless of how strongly I feel about it. I'm scared of what I would say to these people.

I've already spoken without thinking to people many times before and the effects of my words are not usually what I intend them to be. I am sharp; I am poison. My words hurt at first but then the hurt spreads and more pain or anger takes their place. Unfortunately, there is no cure for words. Apologies only go so far. The spoken word is a powerful tool that can bond, love, help, destroy, condemn, and cast out. The written word has the same power, but at least with writing, I can see it, I can change it, and I can erase it before I release it upon the world. But with either one of these two options, there is the risk of saying too much, saying too little...and doing both, but meaning neither.

The Proactive Enjoyable Idiotic Paradigm Paradox

I always fill up a glass of water or some other non-alcoholic, potable substance before I go to sleep, whether that be at night or during one of my frequent "Grandma Naps" that form the base of my afternoon schedule. I'm unsure as to whether I drool a lot and just can't find the drool when I wake up or if my body is leaking fluid from somewhere else, but I always wake up very thirsty.

I have to say that sitting on the front porch of my friends' place tonight has been an enjoyable experience. It's slightly humid and there are a shit-ton of bugs flying around me, but at the same time it's nice to be able to sit outside and not be oppressed by the sun or by heat. Maybe me sweating so much is what causes my constant dehydration..anyway..

I made my way over here earlier today after an excruciatingly boring day by myself in my apartment only to find that the door was still locked. I asked one of my friends through text when they would be getting back so I could get my charger out of the house. She replied that there was a key in a secret location (I'm not going to post it on here, duh) and that I could have gotten in any time over the weekend.

Shortly after that my gameboy died and I seem to have left that charger at my parent's house. So now I've resorted to playing ROMs on Laptop whenever the internet at my apartment cuts out..which is frequently...

We are also embroiled in another money battle over the remainder of the security deposit from the HoL. Ronnie sent off a somewhat scathing email to the person who is now in charge of our money, but I believe it's for the best. I'm not going to say too much about my opinions on here...so....yeah....

Changing the subject completely, Erin and I had a brief conversation (I think it lasted 3 maybe 4 sentences) about writing styles and how she should incorporate her name into the titles like Tori Spelling does. I've thought of some, all of which are terrible: ThErin Back Again, All's FErin Love and War, and MErinade. Like I said, they are all terrible. But I think they could be used as an amazing stepping stone towards future book titles that are not lacking in either amazingness or punnity...neither of which I think are actually words.

I'm still working on a way to get my name into the titles. I believe that if I ever am able to do it, it will be the best book title in the world ever...or I could just keep writing short stories...books are too long.

Wine Tasting

I just got back from my first wine tasting. Erin was working at a festival in Fishersville which is about 45 minutes from Cville so I decided I'd make the trip and experience an actual wine tasting.

The people parked me at the furthest spot from the actual festival..all the way in the back of a cow pasture. I was the last car in the last row and had to walk around at least a quarter of a mile in order to get up to the tents.

Once I got there I noticed how people crowded up near all of the booths. I'd heard from my parents that you really have to force your way up to the front sometimes because some of the people just want to talk about the wine and make friends with the vendors. I reached my hand over top of some people a few times before I started feeling like I was being unnecessarily rude and left to walk around until I found New Kent Winery.

When I eventually got to the booth Erin was working the cash register for people who wanted to buy wine. Fortunately for New Kent, theirs was one of the "most sellingest" booths (to quote what I told them after a few tastings).

I eventually made my way to several booths, joining a small group, usually a young couple, at each of them so it would be easier for us to get to the front once the previous group left the area. I chatted with some people and managed to spread New Kent's name around to various groups.

I won't go into much detail about the wines here except to say that New Kent's wines were the kinds of wines I was actually looking for...meaning that they were made out of grapes. Not blueberries, cranberries, apples, chili peppers, or pears.

There were some weird wines at the festival. Especially the one that tasted like I had bitten into an actual pepper. That was an experience. I got a sticker for drinking it.

Ruffner

Had anybody asked me earlier today how I planned on spending Friday night I would not have said any of the following:
1) with my head under a recliner unwedging a power cord from a spring;
2) attempting to get my phone charger from my friends' house, only to be locked out with everybody gone for the weekend;
3) stealing internet in my car with a big-ass bug crawling on my computer screen;
4) watching TV alone in my apartment because my roommate failed to tell me he wasn't coming back tonight;
5) coming close to making myself vomit in order to feel better;
6) sitting on a couch in Ruffner Hall, home of the Curry School of Education, at 1 a.m.

I've never thought of the Education School as a refuge. I've rarely even thought of it as my school to be honest. But I guess I spend enough time here that it's become a second home to me. I know the building too well. I know the people well enough. I can predict when the Curry Cafe vending machines will be accepting Cav Advantage money and when you can only use cash.

My UVa ID gives me after-hours access to this building which is magnetically locked after 9 p.m. or so. This isn't the first time I've come here late at night, but it's the only time I've been here this late and had nothing to do inside. No last minute lesson plan changes to turn in, no scrambling to finish a series of podcasts...it's just me being bored and lonely and using the school's internet.

The Ed. School, by the way, is one of the ugliest buildings on Grounds, both inside and out. This building is a remnant of 1970s architecture that directly clashes with everything else at the University. It pleases me to say that this morning I attended the dedication of Bavaro Hall, the NEW Ed. School building. The massive complex dwarfs Ruffner and hides its older partner from being seen from the street. Its new brick and white exterior shines in contrast to the dull and fading façade (although nobody really knows what side of this building is the front) of Ruffner.

We've been told that classes during the Fall should be in Bavaro for the most part unless the filling of the interior takes longer than planned and then a transition period during the Fall or even at the beginning of Spring semester would occur. Either way, I've been guaranteed to have at least one class in Bavaro, even if I have to wait until my final semester at UVa.

In the meantime, though, I've been relaxing on a couch in front of a first-floor entrance to the old Ed. School looking at pictures of the new Ed. School scrolling on a television in the Office of Admissions and Student Services. I may take a walk bare-foot around this building tonight....just in case I never get an opportunity to do it again.

I want to go to There

When my mom got home from work today she started talking about making plans for a vacation in mid to late December, after my sister and I are finished with school for the semester. London was mentioned.

Oh, how I miss London. It's the one city in Europe I've been to twice (unless you count the Paris airport, which I do not). I absolutely love it: the culture, the language, standing in queues, seeing the sites...I really miss that city.

Something about me changes when I'm over there. I adopt a slurred British accent, I attempt to walk as the Londoners do, my gestures and my expressions change to fit the culture of where I am. Traveling abroad is something so amazing.

I've already begun to think of places where I want to go--the British Museum being the main place and Westminster Abbey (note its presence in the background of the picture on here). I've been to the British Museum twice, but each time I somehow always get lost in the Greek and Roman sections and never can make it out before it's been hours and I've seen only two to three areas of the massive complex. As for Westminster Abbey, you can never get enough of seeing the tombs of some of England's most famous monarchs and other influential people. Of course I'm open to going to other places as well.

My parents also discussed taking an excursion out to Windsor, Salisbury, and Bath. I've been to Salisbury (Stonehenge is there) but the other two have eluded me on my past visits, so I'm looking forward to just hoping about going there.

Another possible side trip would be to take the Eurostar (2.5 hours one way) over to Paris and spend a day there. My sister has never been to France and I'd love to get a chance to build up more of my emerging French skills.

So right now I'm pricing out different ways of getting to Paris from London. Eurostar seems to be the quickest and most efficient mode of transportation, but the scenic route from London to Dover to Calais to Boulogne to Etaples to Amiens and then Paris would offer a lot more variant sight seeing. It's just the 7 hour one-way journey and £175 cost for round-trip tickets that bothers me.

I think I'm sticking with the bullet train option for the time being.

¡Viva España! and other things

Somehow I always end up being late to get-togethers with my good friends back home. My friend Paul had told me to be in Mechanicsville by 2 p.m. on Sunday in order to watch the coverage for the World Cup final. I figured I'd leave Charlottesville by 1 and get there a little after 2. Seeing as how I don't know much about soccer and couldn't name a single person on either teams playing in the last game watching the pre-game coverage would have done little for me.

I didn't start to leave Charlottesville until around 1:30, which meant I had at least an hour and fifteen minutes until I arrived in Mechanicsville and with the game starting at 2:30 I was going to be late. Although with that I kept my streak for this World Cup of never watching the opening play of the game. I guess that's an accomplishment.

I somehow managed to convince Channing to come up and watch the game with us. He arrived shortly after I did and, after some rearranging of the seats at the table, started talking with Paul's sister while I kind of stuck with my friends. The game was uneventful for the most part. Other than the Extra Time goal that Spain scored, the best part of the game, in my opinion, was when the Spanish player was karate kicked in the chest. I didn't like it because the guy got kicked, but because of just how awesome the guy doing the kicking looked as he was flying in there with his leg outstretched.

Spain eventually won and I felt vindicated by that because all I wanted was for a Spanish-speaking team to win.

So after the game ended and we made some plans that confused the heck out of me, Channing and I slipped over to rue21 where he had a gift certificate. I didn't want to bother him too much while he shopped so I just kind of stood around and listened as he mumbled to himself about clothes and blue and talked to the girl at the register about cologne.

I then proceeded to drive all the way to King William and hang out with my friends. We played a few rounds of Bananagrams and Scattergories before I had to leave to get back to Charlottesville.

Right after I got onto 64 I noticed a car shoot up behind me and start to flash its lights at me. I kept driving as the car continued to flash its lights and follow me as I changed lanes. I slowed down and was about to pull off of the interstate when I got a call from one of my old roommates saying that he and another friend of mine were behind me. It was terrifying.

Once I got back to Charlottesville it was like everybody was coming over at the same time so we just hung out, played Halo and caught up with each other. I eventually made it back to my apartment where I discovered that my Linksys connection has died. This means that I'll either have to get Internet for myself soon or I'll just have to drive in order to get a signal...which is what I'm going to have to do now that I'm going home for a few days.

Moving, II

So I'm pretty much fully settled into my new apartment. It's been a lot of work and thankfully my mom is just as excited for me moving as I am...and because of that she has allowed me to spend her (really, my father's) money on buying things to set up the place.

The living room is complete, the kitchen is almost finished, the bathrooms have everything they need, my room needs to be rearranged but everything is in there.

I've been putting dishes away, constructing floor lamps, laying bath mats, and thinking about where pictures could go. All of the pictures I had in my room at the House of Leaves will not fit into my room at the Hill.

My two roommates are not moved in yet and so until then this place is mine. I have it set up the way I want.

I have a feeling that when one of my roommates gets here he'll want to change some things around.

He is very..finicky..about where things go and how things look.

One-Liners

I wonder how things are going to work out.

Sometimes I see some possibilities of decency and normalcy.

At others all I see is someone who is a bit off, depressed, and has been unfortunately raised.

I wish for better circumstances for this person.

I wish for better circumstances for myself.

I think about how things would be if things had just been slightly different.

I think about how happy this person could be if things had turned out differently.

I've come to accept things that I wouldn't have just a few months ago.

All of everything in the past history of the world leads us to where we are now.

That's why I love history.

Just think back to your family history.

So many people in the past have had to come together for you to even be born.

Don't bring outer forces into this.

I'm discussing the REAL world.

The world that is not fictional.

And I'm not a person who is good at statistics, so I can only imagine what the probability would have to be for me to even have gotten here.

My dad's father's family came from Poland.

My dad's mother's family came from Germany and then West Virginia.

My mom's mother's family came from England and then the Caribbean.

Montserrat to be precise.

My mom's father's family came from Germany and then Virginia.

These people all came together somehow.

And I am the connecting factor.

Stream

I'm going to try a Stream of Consciousness post and see how it goes. If it seems random and disjointed...then welcome to my mind.

I'm sitting in my brother's house with Erin and Travis watching Tosh.0 and trying to split my attention between the show and other pressing issues. I'd like to think that my ability of typing out my thoughts could help to focus some of my..well, thoughts. But at the same time all I really want to do is watch TV and finish drinking my special drink which is V8 Splash and Smirnoff. I'd get Belvedere but it's too expensive..although the Polishness of it makes me happy.

I'm losing so much of my Polish. Last night I went back to Wal Mart to find some more stuff for my apartment and I tried to think of what the word for Tuesday was. It took me forever to think of the word Wtorek. Even after I remembered it I wasn't sure about it. And then I could not think of the word for July. I think it's Lipiec.

My sister in law is talking to me about Jeopardy and the New Kent Winery where she works. All I know is that I can't go tomorrow when she wants me to because my car will be in the shop getting the compressor replaced and I'm supposed to have a lunch date with my old boss's ex wife. It sounds like we have a strange connection because of that but we're actually really close friends.

My friends are expecting me up in Charlottesville on Friday night. I'm kind of excited because we are going to get drinky and watch Hercules. At least we are supposed to. It's one of my favorite Disney movies. I don't like gospel music that much (probably because of the subject material) but Alan Menken did an excellent job with the music for that movie. Sometimes I'll just ride down the road listening to the songs I've downloaded from the movie.

I could go on forever with this, but I'm going to stop here. I'm losing at Jeopardy because I'm not really paying attention.

Leaving

I have only about 45 minutes left in this house. I'm really going to miss living here. The cathedral ceilings, the unlimited internet access, having a full size bed...things like that I'm going to miss.

Tomorrow evening I depart for Charlottesville again..a continuation of my summer of never really staying anywhere for an extended period of time. Being jobless I have this freedom, but at the same time, money is tight...or at least I'm making it tight so I don't overspend on anything.

So within the next hour I will be packing my belongings and evacuating this house that has been a home to me for almost a week now.

After that I get to ride in my car with all the windows down since my AC is dead.

Nauseous

I have a weak stomach, let's just get that across now. I vomit easily and often feel sick when I wake up. I am not pregnant, by the way, so don't suggest that as a possibility. That's just silly.

But somehow with my weak stomach I can look up disgusting pictures on the internet when other friends are either too scared or disgusted to do it themselves.

Today, though, I found out something that I cannot really stand to look at for extended periods of time: Diphallia.

Look it up. It's not as gross as it may seem...some of them are just like little tiny baby ones.

This wouldn't really get you anywhere in life unless you're really into some freaky DP.

The Fourth

I spent the early part of my day (meaning from around 11 a.m. to 2 p.m.) watching the History Channel. They were finally playing historical shows for once. I was happy about that until I realized the shows I was watching weren't completely accurate with a lot of things.

Two of the major things are that 1) Harriet Beecher Stowe was NOT just some housewife from New England. She was from a very prominent family and was one of the few very educated women of the era, and 2) Abraham Lincoln was not some unknown politician when he gained the Republican nomination in 1860. He had been in politics for a while, had served in the US House of Representatives and the Illinois General Assembly, and widely debated US Senator Stephen Douglass, gaining him national attention. All of that aside, the shows were also somewhat sympathetic to the South in trying to validate the evil of slavery.

I then proceeded to bum around the house where I'm staying until I went back home around 4 in order to go to a family thing for the 4th. The minute I walked through the door I went upstairs to my room and collapsed until around 5:45 when we had to leave.

I had a good time with my family over in New Kent. There were games and beer and wine and it was just a good time.

Fireworks were a little lame though, but I didn't buy them so I am not allowed to complain that much.

Back in the Burg

So, I'm living in Williamsburg for a bit.

It's strange living in a gated community. I have to present a pass each time I come up and I'm afraid of coming in too late as the late-night guards are usually unhappy that they have to work that late at night. I've had to readjust my schedule as I'm usually out until around 1 or so when I am at home.

On a good note though, the weather has been amazingly nice the last two days.

Also, here I have cable television and high speed internet all the time. I no longer have to drive 20 minutes just to check my facebook, which I am pretty much addicted to.