Unconditional

I hate falling behind in my posting.

I have to clean my room again before I go home for Easter tomorrow. I hate leaving the house when my room looks disheveled.

But I guess the more important thing is that I'm going home for Easter. My faith has kind of collapsed upon itself within the last few months and so it surprised me when the words came out of my own mouth suggesting that I come home for the holiday. Regardless of whether or not it's because my parents miss me or because I miss being at home, I think the real reason is because I miss church. The church I had started going to right before everything fell apart is everything I was looking for for so many years. I just stuck with going to my old one because it's where my 'friends' went. After we went to college I discovered that these people never really liked me for me and I had essentially been free of them for years.

It's not that I miss God, or my faith, or much else about Christianity....I just miss the people I went to church with. My preacher (a woman) was extremely nice and caring and her southern accent was so calming after a week of stress. She's like this mother/grandmother figure in the church that everybody looks up to for support, love, encouragement....and she gives it out in doses that are bigger than those people had originally expected.

I think that's what I miss most about that church....it's the feeling of unconditional love that I never got from my old church. And I think that's what Christianity, or any faith like that, should really be about.