Lying

It's not that I had initially intended for my placement at CHS to be going so badly. I actually went as soon as I got the placement notification last semester. Then I noticed how bad the actual school is and, at about the same time, my desire to be a teacher waned considerably.

One of the last requirements I have to fulfill by the end of this semester is to simply be observed teaching by my Curry graduate assistant. Originally I was supposed to get this done a while ago, but it kept being pushed back until we settled on Thursday, April 15....the same day the rough draft of my seminar paper was due. I moved it again to Monday, April 19, today, but my lesson plan was so shitty that I was really nervous about going in there and teaching it.

This morning my nerves got the best of me and made me vomit. I used this as an excuse to get out of teaching today, find out where the teacher actually is and re-plan my lesson for Wednesday.

Put together, all of this made me realize how good I am at lying. I always tell people that I am a bad liar in order to establish myself as that...with this, I believe, when I do lie, they'll think it's the truth because I am soo bad at lying. I don't know if that's a good thing or not, I guess it depends on how I use it. I could assume that the way I am able to put myself out there and fake my way through things (much as how I have done through college) could help me fake my way through things in the future. Sure, it would be easier, but I kind of want to have the experiences of actually doing the work sometimes.

I guess I'll find out how good I am at lying through massive compositions when I get my rough draft back on Thursday. It could be the end of this path for me.